Motherhood: Five things I now can’t do and five random things I now can do


I got about 30 seconds on the hammock before these two piled in

Five things I can no longer do since becoming a mother

1) Enjoy a long, carefree, morning shower (fat chance)

2) Wallow (there’s too much sh*t to do)

3) Get anyway near enough sleep (it’s going to take decades to recover from this one)

4) Nurse a hangover (there’s no mercy in this house)

5) Watch anything involving children getting hurt/going missing/being poorly (and that includes animal children. Even David Attenborough is off-limits now. New Benedict Cumberbatch drama? Can’t even watch the preview)

Five random things I can now do since becoming a mother

(Note: list is by no means exhaustive. This really isn’t the sum of everything I’ve achieved post-partum. Honest.)

1) Go outside without any make-up (self-care long since abandoned)

2) Hold a wee all day (while making sure that everyone else is obeying their own bladders)

3) Do a headstand on the trampoline (legs against the netting)

4) Pick up creepy crawlies (so that we can inspect them. We are fearless creepy-crawly fans)

5) Make a rabbit shadow puppet (previously I could only manage a duck)


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